Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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