dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
