im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
