Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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