He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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