hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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