Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
