xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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