So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
