He told me they were just razor bumps!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize