i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
