I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you inspire me to be a worse person
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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