tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
