I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
