She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
