Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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