i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
