I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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