I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
