Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
