Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
