Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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