Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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