i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
