He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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