Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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