20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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