It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
