She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
