Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
false alarm, still single
Randomize