I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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