i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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