Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
