What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
