i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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