I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
