my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
