Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
