Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
