His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
