I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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