either way he was missing a nipple.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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