I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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