you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Your penis caused this!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
