so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
