K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize