maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize