New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have already put on my inside pants.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
