Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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