Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
