Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
