She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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