I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
COCAINE IS GR8
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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