He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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