Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
