I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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