Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
