Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
