I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
