You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
