dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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