so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
