She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
