You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
