The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize