you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
