just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
