I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
