I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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