Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
