3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
