All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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