too bad you live with your parents still
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
