Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
