Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
