This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
