I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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