You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
