i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
