I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
