I wannas sexs uuuuu
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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