Your mouth is God's brothel.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
