I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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