the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
