ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
