After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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