I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
"it" just moved
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize