Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
