I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
