apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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