Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize