the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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