covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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