She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
