i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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