she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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