theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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