so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
