i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize