i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
