I wish I only lived at night.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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