He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
