the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
