would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
