ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have aggressive nipples.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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