How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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